We went to St. Jacobs' today, the large Mennonite tourists pit north of here. Its kind of sad to see a people's devotion to the simple ways, their devotion to their God, devotion to following the simpler rules of an earlier society reduced to a tourists spectacle, wholly bought into the chase for the almighty dollar, part and parcel on the road to Mammon with the rest of us.
But for me, an even more special trip to Wonderland this time; I have been unable to get my blood sugar under control this week, and this morning I felt as though I would never wake. I actually felt drugged in some way, even though I had not taken any. I feel like I am in a free-fall, and I don't know where this will come out.
Finally awake, we went to St. Jacobs', more for the exercise for me than anything, and to see the Farmer's Market, only open on Tuesdays and Sundays.
So I walked down the isles of pies, and cakes, sweets made from Real Ontario Maple Syrup, and buttertarts, middle eastern sweets and Japanese sweets; then table upon table of home-made jellies, jams, preserves, marmalades, honeys, butters - if it is sweet and goes in a jar, they had it for sale.
Water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink.
There was nothing I could touch. It was finally sinking into my rather thick skull that there was absolutely nothing here for me but a slow, painful demise. I have to gain control of this monster or it will do away with me early.
I hate that I cannot eat the things I love to eat. I hate that I cannot eat all the sweet and marvelous things I love, like the maple syrup candies, but they are killing me. I have to control what goes into my mouth, finally, before it controls me. Only I can do that.
My resolve: to eat only what I should, and to gain control over my diet and my blood sugar levels. I give myself one week to show some grip, then one month to show real resolve in all facets in life. This is my present to me.
MMG
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