The End of the Bees

My mate and I strolled through the isles of the local home renovating store, when I came upon what we were looking for: bee spray. But this was a new kind of spray, a foam!

I studied the instructions carefully, since I was going to be on the "apply" end, while I figured my partner would be on the "spectate" end of our mission. The idea is to spray the nest entrance hole with the foam, and block them in (!), then walk up to the nest (!!) and stick the applicator wand directly into the hole itself (!!!) and fill the nest full of foam (!!!!). Each exclamation point represents the amount of sweat that was appearing on my forehead *in the store* just reading the instructions.

After some pacing, souls searching, and consultation with the T factories, I purchased the bee foam. Why not, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Besides, I haven't been stung by a hornet in over twenty years, I was due.

I did choose to wait until evening, on the presumption that most of the hornets would be safely in their little hornet beds and not out looking for me. I tested the system on a near-by bush (impressive range!), then slowly walked up to within about ten feet of the nest. This is where, as we used to say in the Navy, I had to 'reach down and find a pair.' It took some fumbling around, but I finally found them, and took up my position and sprayed the nest.

Worked beautifully!! Just like a huge blob of shaving cream, the nest was now blocked by this lethal substance that shielded me from the hateful hornets. I stepped up to the nest and heard just how hateful: the nest was actually vibrating with angry insects. I lost my pair at this point and stepped back.

A new thought entered my brain: what if, in sticking the six-inch applicator into the nest, I tear a hole into it, allowing the hornets to escape? What if the foam over-fills it, and it breaks open. Did those guys think of that? This was looking ever more like a mixed-up, Rube Goldberg setup every second.

Finding my pair once more, I stepped up again and followed the instructions (when in doubt, follow the instructions!), filling the angry, buzzing nest with foam. One bee did escape, but he took off before I could attack him (interesting reversal).

I think the nest saga is over. Tomorrow, I plan to take the nest down and run it to the dumpster. Once more the back porch will be ours to enjoy fully without insect interference.

What I learned with this episode in my life is that there are new things that are coming out almost daily, technology and science has introduced things to our lives that make it easier to do almost everything that we used to do with more sweat, danger, and personal pain. You can embrace it, or continue in the 'old ways,' your choice. I think the old ways are old for a reason.

The secret, and the goal for our youth, will be to meld the new ways with the good stewardship of the earth. That is what we leave you, young ones.

MMG