Circle closes

There was a time when I went to bed each night, swearing that I would find a way to get my revenge on two people for what they had done to my life. And to my ex, I swore I would wait until one day when she would see what a mistake she had made, and I would have my revenge on her as well.

Then life dulled my hatred a bit, other pressures intervened, and I began to forgive just a bit, but not to forget. I knew I would never, ever forget. This was my first love, crushed, I could never fully recover.

That is until I recovered. It took time, I can't lie, but I did recover, and before long, I forgave and forgot. Then the whole of that part of my life faded into the background of my life.

Again, life intervened, and a fire took place on board my submarine. I met my own death, mortality staring me in the face, and somehow I survived. My life was renewed on so many levels.

Then I got everything I had ever wanted in my early days: my revenge. Only it wasn't what I wanted to hear now.

I met Satan in that fire under water, and I found that we weren't too different, he and I. I know myself to be a profane, fundamentally flawed being, totally undeserving of the trust that was placed in me at that early age, or maybe at any age. I cannot accept the apology of one who, having served God, I feel more deserving of an apology from me than I from them.

If we could wind back time, would it be worth the try? Could we try again from the start, be a family and stay with each other for 35 years faithfully? Yes, it would be worth a try to start over and stay together this time. But would we? Would I just end up breaking your heart again some other way? If I broke up our family twice, I would not think I could stand the pressure.

I am older now, and have settled with a wonderful person that knows me, and can help me make it day to day. It helps me just as much to know I have a son once again that carries my name, and that I have a very dear, old friend that I can talk to once more, that I have missed for over thirty years.

We can't turn the clock back, but often we need the help of everyone we know to help us to push the clock forward just one more day.

Crow.