What Children Are For

When I was a young man, a century a go (actually, a millennium ago!), the ideal for the American Family was something a little different than the one today. I got married to my high school sweetheart, the only girl I had loved at that point in my life, and we did what we thought everyone was supposed to do: get a job (or two, or three), get a place to live, have a child. Notice something missing here? Yep - no goal in life. No matter, we had love, and that was supposed to be enough to start on, the rest was to follow. I guess for me, children were part of the American Life, not a fixture exactly, but part of the contract if you will.

"Hi, I'm here for the American Dream Special? You know, the Prosperity, Happiness, and Economic Security Package?"
"Certainly, Sir! Come right up! Now, lets see what you have here. Do you have a job?"
"Yes, sir. I work at Moore-Rounetree VW, and at night I stock the shelves at Kroger."
"Very ambitious! How about a spouse? An Apartment? A car?"
"I have a very beautiful wife, and we live in our own apartment, away from either of our parents. We just replaced our car, which set me back a bit, but we survived it."
"Well, good sir, I am impressed! Just one more thing, then... do you have 2.54 children?"
"2.54...what? How does one have .54 children?
"That's stat talk, of course. You either have 2, or 3. You could have more or less, which would let more off the hook for the 2 or 3, depending on how many more or less you have. But the fact is, you have to have children in order to participate."
"Really?"

And so a son was born, and six years later to a different mother, a daughter, then eight years on, another daughter, my sweet youngest, to yet another mother. It wasn't planned out that way, I never set out to be a "playa," to have 2.54 children by as many women as possible. All of my children were conceived in love, and not one could ever be called a "mistake" or ill-thought out. They are all beautiful creations, half my genes and half another persons, themselves a continuation of two other family traditions, names, cultures, DNAs, histories. What a wonder! What a miracle!

Now I am temporarily alone, my partner has to spend six months in Canada to maintain her status. As I still work, that leaves me with a couple of months here before my summer vacation, when I can rejoin her. In the mean time, I am learning about myself.

I am leaning that in my later years I am finding it harder to self-regulate my daily schedule. I once had a dog, Hallmark, that would help tell me when it was time to eat, when it was time to go to bed. When my SO is here, she helps me. Now, there is no one, and I startle myself to look up from whatever I am doing on a Wednesday night to see the clock, and realize it says 3:00am. I never had that problem when there were children in the house. Children are great fans of the routine, and even when they are breaking it, they want to make sure you are following it.

I also tend to let the kitchen go when I am alone, and the sink/dishwasher, or both at the same time, fill up with dirty dishes, and nothing happens to them; or dishes in the dishwasher will get washed, then will remain in storage for a week or more. Then my youngest will call, wanting to come over to watch a hockey game. And almost imperceptibly, I will start to clean. Dishes get put away, food gets put in cupboards, pans get stored. I guess I want my News to see her Dad's home as a place close to that one she grew up in. I hope she never sees me unglued, and that drive helps me keep it together.

So now I think I know what children are for. They are for us to admire, to love, and to keep us from getting too old to take care of ourselves. And my children, at least, are doing a great job.

Crow