Is it kind?

There is an old Chinese proverb out there (does anyone know of any new Chinese proverbs?) that gives wisdom on how to approach interpersonal relationships, specifically, how do you know what things to do to one another, and what things not to do? I suppose the Chinese equivalent of Dr. Phil got tired of answering the age old question of "Is it okay to tell a little white lie if it doesn't hurt anyone, and no one every finds out." Back then, no one would find out for centuries, even if it was important.

So the sage tells his audience that if you go to do something, you should first stop and ask yourself three questions: Is it right? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If the answer to any of those three is "no," then you should not do it, whatever it is.

If it is not right, then you should not do it on moral grounds: I have always tried to impress on my own children that their integrity is the only thing that is truly their own in this world. Even their name is given to them by someone else, but their integrity is theirs alone. Only they can protect it, and only they can throw it away. Once lost, your integrity will take years to regain, if ever. The best thing is, never, ever let it go. You can get another job, you will never get another reputation. I have walked away from two jobs in my life over moral issues, and in both cases it set me back financially, but I recovered in a short time. My integrity did not suffer, and is intact to this day.

If it is not necessary, then why expend the effort? There are so many other things in life that require our attention, there is little time to waste on things of little concern. I may have a different outlook than some on this, but I have seen life in a light where there is precious little time on teh earth, far too little time to be spending it on minutia. If you are going to be burning calories, burn them in the pursuit of matters that make a difference. Trivial concerns spill the life energy of others who may not have that much to spill.

Is it kind. This may be the most important of all. In our trade with each other, as we meet and speak, exchange ideas and words, just how much of our greeting and time spent communicating is spend being pleasant? How much do we demand from each other, without being thankful for making each others' jobs a little easier when we help each other out?

At my work, for some reason the language has turned to demanding this last year. Over the intercom, teachers and students are now ordered to "Report to Room 205 for a conference!" Report! I am sure it never occurs to the person on the other end of the microphone that in America the only persons that can order me to report anywhere are a magistrate or law enforcement with a properly executed warrant, or the Navy if my skills were so badly in need that I should have to be reactivated. No one at my school has that power. Yet they still order me to "Report!" Why?

Somewhere our society has learned that it is okay to push around the weak and marginalized. We feel it is for the greater good, so it is acceptable. When did we make this shift? We didn't used to feel this way. It used to be that the weak were protected, the marginalized were included. It was the obligation of the strong to protect the weak and lame.

Is it kind? Think before you do. If it isn't kind, then don't do it. Life is hard enough without adding to each others' burdens. We should do all we can to lighten each others' load every chance we get, whenever we can, for our time here is short, and hard.